May 1673    Not much happened, put 20 guns on frigate Epona, makin’ her my flagship, an’ keepin’ ten guns on pinnace Cernunnos as back-up.  I am now going to attack every single Spanish guardship I find.  The first unlucky recipient is 85 miles East of Caracas – we take and scuttle her. A day later, two more get the treatment.  Haaar!

^{Spaniards lookin' into the jaws of defeat...}

^{Glug glug glug... and coming ta get number two...}

June 1673    Me birthday!!  How to celebrate?  Well, we’re docked in Cumana.  I see if the Governor will offer me a drinkipoos.  He does, an’ wants his brother taken to Havana.  I am not a taxi service!  I slam down me (empty) tankard angrily an’ storm out.  Araya’s similar, this time it’s a misson ta take some rusty key to Santiago de la Vega!!  Humph.  At least I takes a luxury-fluyte on me way out of harbour.  I also start pressing any men I capture.

July 1673    Beat up some dutchmen.  Attack Puerto Cabello and make her French!  I lose 7 men but they lose 20.  Torture the Governor – I’m gettin’ mean.  He dies under interrogation, so I instals Moody Allen, who offers me some half-baked mission.  They never learn!  It’s to take some book ta Havana.  If I’d a known he was a bookworm, I’d ‘ave shoved his book up his dirt locker!  Buy sloop Hopeful Industry, a namby-pamby name that seems ta suggest honest work.  I rename her Hecate after a pagan goddess instead – a bloodthirsty one at that!  Now for more conquests….

August 1673    Capture Caracas for La Belle France.  A haul of 11t of jewels! Plus $49000.  I lose 3 men, not too bad.

September 1673    Captured and looted 6 Spanish ships.

October 1673    Attack Rio de la Hacha – quite close to Cartagena.  Me frigate bombards the shore for some hours, wiping out signal towers, two barracks, turret, shipyard (oops) and groups of soldiers an’ militia gawkin’ on the shore...

...but cannot quite reach the Governors mansion on a hill overlooking the harbour.  So I sends all me men ta take it, and raid the Treasury (the old dog had all the money in his mansion though!).

The town finally gives in so I instals a beardy Dutch crewman, Fridrik Clarijs, to run the town fer France!!

I lost 8 men includin’ two officers, but they lost 55 thanks ta me shore-bombardment!

As I’m getting’ too much plunder ta carry, buy the only available ship, sloop Silver Swan (soon renamed Artemis) and recruit a new captain, a patchy-eyed weaselly rogue with ginger stubble name of Fidel Maidana.  A Don, but luckily he hates his countrymen!

November 1673    Sail for Curacao.  Oddly, see no Spaniards – maybe their trade lanes are being plagued by pyrates an’ it’s damagin’ trade?  Haaar!

December 1673    The Curacao market is rather poor, and can’t afford all me booty.  However, they have many jewels for sale.  So I does a deal and convert th’ remaining cargo to a more portable form – buying 28 jewels to befit me status as Pirate Queen of Madagascar, which gives the market enough money to purchase me bulky cargo.

Careen the big ships an’ darn th’ sails (literally).  Victual the ships and buy a new pinnace, Beartrix’s Pearl (sic), rechristening her the Belenos.  I’m a bit fed up havin’ ta bellow me orders from deck to deck of me ever-growin’ fleet, not to mention havin’ no means to shift me hoard an’ ammunition around in mid-voyage, so I also purchases a ten-ton longboat and some oars for the Midnight Scourge.  Despite recruitin’ some new likely lads, I pick me hardiest hearties as stand-by rowers, after some arm-wrestlin’ contests ta check I’m recruitin’ the strongest arms.

We sets sail south, meanin’ ta weaken Spanish trade some more, an’ pay a visit ta me ol’ matey Tim Dean in Caracas.   See if the crows’ve pecked the bones of that Lopez fop clean yet.  The only trouble is, I think bein’ Governor has turned our Tim into a bit of a bewigged Dandy!

But plans can change.  On Christmas Eve, we spots a defiant Spanish Guard frigate breastin’ the waves an’ makin top speed toward us.  She’s the Expédicion Feliz and her crew are itchin’ for a fight.  So much so, that I have me hardest battle yet, frigate on frigate, as my gunship Epona trades musket fusillades and 10-cannon broadsides… with the Midnight Scourge takin’ me in too close (keen to signal commands!) and havin’ her hull partly splintered by repeated broadsides – at least she distracts the Spaniard, allowin’ me ta board, but they fight to the very last man, never surrenderin’... as the last man is cut down, I has ta pay me grudgin’ respects ta such a courageous enemy.  Then I scuttles her.  Haaaaar!  Merry Christmas, Dons.

January 1674    But the Scourge will be takin’ on water soon, unless we can repair her.  The Epona has picked up a few scorch-marks and is peppered wit’ holes too, thankfully above the waterline.

We’re not far off the coast, in the Triste Gulf bay near the mouth of the Tocuyo river, so I sails SE lookin’ fer a beach ta effect repairs.  Thanks Neptune we find one in good time, 22 miles NW of Puerto Cabello – a friendly port, but it’ll be cheaper ta do it here.  Anyways, 18 days’ rest and a diet of wild boar should help the men relax inbetween patchin’ up the ships under carpenter’s orders.  I’ll be sunnin’ meself wit’ a cabin-boy or two.

FAME 37315.  INFAMY 3336.  Hoard $389866.  Personal Wealth $32685.

January 1674    St Lucia takes $46580 tax!!! WTF!!!  The downside of LOMs.  At least I have tons of friendly ports now.  And it was all ill-gotten booty anyway.  Note to self: never visit French ports after a town raid.  

February 1674    Letter of Introduction to French ports.  Guadeloupe, hire Pierre Cadoret.  On Valentine’s Day, count my hoard!!! A woman should always be wit’ the one she loves, haar!  Agree to a mission from Gov. Houel of Guadeloupe to take a letter warning of the imminent arrival of French reinforcements for our Martinique flotilla.  Seems I’m a post-mistress!  It’s not far to retrace my course, and more French ships in the area will help batter the Dons’ attempted monopoly.

Martinique: deliver the letter, recruit.  Nearly 300 marines now!  Margarita will soon be mine.  And from thence: the Main.

March 1674    Sell 22 jewels.  Dodge 2 defiant Spanish Brigs… I’m in a  hurry.  Return to get me mission reward ($400) and another French Free Pardon!  On arriving at St Kitt’s South on the 12th, I find that me and my crew are the talk of the town!!  All the rumours are about us!  29th: Head for Sint Maarten.  Pass at least 3 Dutch patrols (2 frigates each) over the next 2 days…

April 1674    1st: Arrive in Sint Maarten on All Fool’s Day, spend a few hours recruitin’.  The events of tomorrow seem like a bad joke… I am writin’ this some months later, because….
2nd: Visit Governor de Galliflet.  As he doesn’t like Grovellers, I decides ta try a bit of swaggerin’.  Damn fool has me arrested!  I spends the rest o’ the year in jail, whilst me men scatter, awaitin’ the return o’ their Pyrate Queen… and return I shall…

1675    Spend the first seven months of this year swattin’ rats in the clink, although I get plenty o’ visitors ta see the famed “Bloody Pyrate Empress o’ Madagascar”.  As I’m so famous (haaar!) Governor de Galliflet visits me himself to demand a bribe.  I waves me French pardon in his face and laughs evilly.  When the day o’ me trial comes, the judge, an’ old friend o’ mine frum Brittany, orders the charges be thrown out o’ court, and the Governor is seen leavin’ wit’ his tail between his legs and thunder on his face.  I didn’t even need ta invoke me Pardon.  His days are numbered…..

August 1675    Free at last!!  An’ all me crews stayed loyal.  Aww.  Not much has changed since me incarceration, save that  it is rumoured that France will soon resume attacks on the ships of Spain.  You bet she will!!  And I’ll be in the vanguard of that predation – as soon as I’m aboard me fleet, in fact!!

Recruit more marines, now have 332.  Sail immediately to St Martin (also French).  Luckily the Governor, Jean Hamlin, is rather more amenable than that de Galliflet fool in Sint Maarten, and I am given another French Free Pardon.  The only inconvenience in bein’ arrested by the French will be the wasted months in jail!  Spend th’ rest of August recruitin’ more marines fer my assault on Margarita (plannin’ ta take all Spanish ports from East to West). In St Croix, I am made “Third Ensign ta the People’s Council”; set sail fer St Lucia (plunderin’ some Dutch luxury-laden merchantman en route, an’ pressin’ another 13 men ta me cause).

September 1675    23rd: Parley for rumours an’ news wit’ the French Brig Lévrier Écarlate out of Martinique.

October 1675    Raid the English fluyte Silver Turtle out of Antigua (a port whose ships I’ve often picked on!).  Press 16 marines (now have 368!) and 10 sailors (now have 101).  Loyalty still 100%.  St Lucia: recruit.  Turn down a mission to take the Governor’s ‘friend’, retired General Tobias to Martinique.  I’ve got a Spanish port to sack, I ain’t retracin’ me steps now!!  Grenada (sacking English fluyte en route).  Spend the rest o’ the month careenin’.

November - December 1675    Finish ship repairs, then head fer Trinidad.  This is where it gets weird.   Governor is one of me own men, Watkin Sampson.  He makes me the followin’ offer:

My worry is, how can I do this without makin’ the inhabitants angry an’ turnin’ a friendly port into an enemy one?  Still, I’m game ta try.  I sends a small party ashore, consistin’ of Trinidad natives I’ve just recruited, cutlasses only an’ with one local officer who I have just recruited here, Nicholas Hill.
Hopefully we can steal in, assassinate Giovanni and leg it before anyone knows what’s happened.  Sadly, getting’ ta the market square requires crossin’ a bridge packed wit’ grenadiers!!  Me men don’t stand a chance.  So, enough of subtlety…

That should do it.  Pullin’ no punches an’ givin’ no quarter, the way I likes it….

We’re comin’ ta get ya, Giovanni!

This time th’ one bridge inta town holds no fear…

Needless ta say, Giovanni gets butchered (thankfully out of sight behind a barracks, fer those of a sensitive disposition!  So no pic).  I attempts to re-enter town peacefully ta collect me reward, only to find the crowd “hates you and abuses you to your face”!  Argh, I knew this would happen.  Lucky I was all stocked and ready ta leave…  being arrested once was enough.

December 1675    On the way to Araya me crowsnest lad pipes up wit’ “I feel seasick!”… weird!  Also visit Cumana.  398 marines!!! Enough to….

Attack Margarita… four cannons deal swiftly with the fortress, here shown just before the destruction of its final, north, turret…

Lose 47 men in the assault on the fort, kill 16 civilians and 9 soldiers.  Overwhelm the Governor’s mansion and sack the adjacent 2 townhouses and Treasury (which is nearly empty).  The Governor succumbs to “merciful” torture with a feather!  These Dons are wimps.  Margarita is now French, and me and me hearty crew celebrate with chilled Margaritas all round….

Make my lovely Fidel Maidana the new Governor…

January 1676    Spend New Year whorin’ (or in my case, preenin’ me parrot or, ahem, ‘auditioning’ nine strong new marines in me cabin!) in Margarita.  On 3rd Jan 1676, me old shipmate Fidel gives me another of these…

We who owe allegiance ta Le Roi Louis certainly look after each other!

Sail to Araya by the 12th… there’s a famous writer in town.  Looks like Defoe ta me, doin’ one o’ his hatchet-jobs on us dishonest seawomen… th’ gutter press, eh?  Dam’ their eyes.  I see luxuries is bein’ practically given away in th’ market!!  $370 a ton!  I reckons I can almost double that in Cumana.  Buy 9 tons and treat meself ta some new damasc silks fer me four-poster bed (hammocks are no good fer, er, “auditioning”)…

Reach Cumana on 18th, sell the luxuries fer $507 each (tradin’ is so dull!) then make fer Caracas.  Dam’ Arayan guardships defy me, but I slips ‘em.  25th: Exchange info with Tobago fluyte St Mark – oddly the Captain’s sage advice is “Puerto Cabello town unique rumour” (sic).  This makes no sense to me!!  Must have a bug in his brain.  As we sail away, all is explained… he hoists a Dutch flag.  They’re all mad.

28th Jan: reach Caracas, only to find 9 tons of luxuries have mysteriously reappeared in my hold!!!  Now either me sneaky men ‘liberated’ it frum the buyer, havin’ enjoyed tradin ‘em so much they want to sell ‘em all over again, or… there is some witchery afoot.  Spooked, I hoists ‘em overboard.  I’ll have no Faerie Gold or cursed goods on my ship.  We also seem to have doubled our rations stored, and gained jewels we’d sold.  I won’t profit by sorcery that ain’t mine!  So in it goes, a donation to Davy Jones… may Neptune bless us wit’ fair winds, for the sacrifice to th’ sea!

February 1676    9th Feb:  Timothy Deane gives me a Letter o’ Introduction ta Tortuga, of all places! Grrr!  Me! Th’ most famous lassie on th’ pyrate seas!

Men’s share is decreasin’ as I recruit: $689 and droppin’.  We needs a raid soon, ta whet their appetites fer the takin’ the entire Main.  ‘Twill also belay some o’ th’ brawlin’ an’ gamblin’ goin on below decks – the men be highly loyal, 100 per cent, but I’m worried they may do each other a mischief in their endless high-spirited brawlin’.

On 12th Feb 1676, on dockin’ in Puerto Cabello, I gets  a strange offer:

Now unless ‘tis our ‘Enry wit’ one of his Morganettes again (an’ me last one is sleepin’ things off in Madagascar!) then I am completely foxed.  Still, with Valentine’s Day comin’ up again…  I have a date wit’ me hoard!
Recruit a different kind of horde at the tavern…375 marines, 106 each of gunners and sailors…  15th Feb: Old mate Moody Allen gives me a Letter of Introduction to Anguilla.  About time, I was starting to feel persona non grata.  Sail for Curacao 2 days later..
On 21st Feb 1676, spot a sail on the horizon.  Move on a dead straight course to intercept and attack the Spanish guard frigate Unicornio Santo out of Santo Domingo.

^ BEFORE closing for battle (almost – me greetin’ card is a shot across the stern -- through the bows!)

^ DURING battle (I luvs this ‘shot’)

My flagship Epona having used so much shot an’ powder in shreddin’ tha Dons, ‘tis time ta use me one longboat ta shift some ammo and a coupla marines frum the Scourge; I also takes the opportunity to pop over and bolster morale on me flagship too.  So the master and I shares a keg or three.

Afternoon of 26th Feb 1676, we ATTACK Curacao!  Those Dutchmen are in a strategic position, rich with little garrison, and what’s more they don’t like me… and I knows of a secret way rumoured to lead inta the town from East o’ th’ docks……..  But there is a little surprise waiting for unwelcome visitors to the docks!!  A turret in the middle of ‘em!

Luckily we skirts its range o’ fire unnoticed, reaching a sandy bay ta th’ east.  Only one of the men starts at the top of a cliff overlooking our landing-beach.  “Oi! Monkeyboy!  How on earth did ye get up there, ye mad bastid?”

Luckily the lonesome powdermonkey finds the rumoured back-passage……and soon rejoins us as we stand on a convenient little knoll, having sneaked behind the hills to th’ rear o’ the town, following the ‘secret’ paths and bypassed all the defences.  The Governor’s soon-to-be-looted/captured mansion is just visible at the very top-left, the other side of the market field.

It does me heart good when a rich town surrenders and yields me this much loot:

Plus 119 jewels and 179 tons of luxuries!!!

Irritatingly, when I go to see me newly-installed Governor, the bizarrely-behatted Pierre Cadoret, to ask fer some consideration in gratitude fer me generosity (or better still some filthy lucre or a treasure map), he spouts some turncoat nonsense like “I do not make deals wit’ any sort of criminal!”  Well, hoity toity!  At times like these ye knows who yer friends are.  Still with holds full o’ jewels, I ain’t complainin’.  I ensures his seachest is unloaded inta the harbour on me way back to the Scourge.

FAME 38809, INFAMY 3844.

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